Winner May '02

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SW: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

Posted by: The_Iron_Monkey (JDOGGYDOGG)

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Episode II: Attack of the Clones
The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

I saw Episode II later than many of you, so some of these points have already been covered.

The Good

Just about the best battle scenes of all the Star Wars films. Huge, detailed, and incredibly complex. The monsters in the execution scene were pretty cool, as well. Visually, George Lucas is still a master in the visual arts.

Yoda looked great. They did a fine job converting Yoda to CGI. The look and the movements were very true to the original Yoda. Furthermore, it was great to see Yoda fighting.

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Roger Ebert liked the digitally projected version of the film far more than the film projection version. Certainly, it's hard to top a digital projector. But I saw Ep. II with a film projector and I can't agree with Ebert's complaints. The film was sharp and incredibly detailed.

The Bad

C3PO is the gayest robot of all time. Gay, gay, gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. What robots do in the privacy of their own homes is none of my business. Seriously, though, if C3PO's head was on another robot, and his body had another robots' head, how is it possible for both the evil robots to have control?

George Lucas writes like a high school student. Silly puns like "You'll be the death of me" and "Not...good" are just the tip of the iceberg. The dialogue is only decent at times, and horrible other times. The words "cute" and "dreamy" are too anachronistic to work in a SW film.

The Ugly

Hayden Christensen (Anakin Skywalker) is the devil. Not only is he a pathetic actor, he's not even good looking or charismatic enough to mask his enormous deficiencies. In The Matrix, Keanu Reeves had just enough to pull off that role. But in Ep. II, Christensen is unlikable, boring, irritating, and dumb. Bad dialogue is no excuse. A better actor could have done more with this role

Natalie Portman as a senator is about as believeable as Jennifer Lopez as a nuclear scientist. Still, she's better than the wooden Christensen.

The love story between Christensen and Portman is so bad, it's laughable. Put aside the fact that neither actor is very good, and you're still left with nagging questions: If Anakin is such a whiny prick, then what does the Senator see in him? We know that Anakin's psychotic, dumb, and boring - so what's there to love? Does Lucas need a close friend to shake him aggressively and ask him, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

- The_Iron_Monkey (JDOGGYDOGG)

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